Well Here We Are...The Dawn of a New Day

List of likes: dog yawns, cat's purring, anchovies, olives, wood floors, blonde hair, fur coat [fake fur is okay too], quiet, loud music, piano, Uncle Chris' Steak Seasoning, yummy noodles, grilled salmon, peanut butter, good color combinations, blue glass, grilled cheese, pickles, SOS, sunny days, roses blooming, good music, laughing with friends, being told "step aside" by Randy, red couches - like in the 60's, mini Coopers, VW bugs, Toyato Tundra trucks, feeding KIX cereal to pigeons at UT, blowing bubbles, pepperoni pizza, triscuits with salmon cream cheese, "Cheese for Dogs!" is always nice, barbeque - anytime, any day, Emma Long Park any time any day, Bull Creek, Barton Springs, Mustang Island, traveling, day trips, test driving cars for fun, Genuine Joe's Coffee Shop, Aranda's Restaurant - especially bean & cheese tacos with jalepenos, pozole, Oaxacan Tameleo - moja de ajo tilapia encrusted with garlic, Monty Python, Coneheads, Keeping Up Appearances, Are You Being Served? - GTO, Gokusen, soft blankets, thick, heavy comforters - the Japanese kind, cotton clothes, comfortable shoes, jeans, pretty dresses, earrings, necklaces, beads, making our own ringtones, spending time with close friends, being dragged to AFS films by best friend, having girl's night out with best friend, looking for houses, Gregory Gym - especially the sauna, jacuzzis, Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, watching Luke run, listening to him talk too, cheering for Kiki, sitting with Jamal's mom, sitting with Russel's mom at the football games, enjoying school, looking forward to going to UT again, yeah baby, we are coming back. This Thanksgiving we have so much to be thankful for.

Nausea vs Nurture

You may well know that I have been suffering from nausea due to stress from being given some really crappy news. Here is what I found that can describe the way I feel when I have to be in the presence of the bearer's of the bad news: nauseate - bother, disturb, make sick, offend, reluct, repel, repulse, revolt, sicken. That just about covers it.

On the other hand when I am in the presence of people who love and care for me - and all together have a different capacity for compassion and acceptance here is what I feel like when I am with them: affection, allegiance, appreciation, cherishing, delight, devotion, enjoyment, fidelity, fondness, friendship, regard, respect, tenderness.

This makes it very clear. I will do anything and everything to stay away from people who make me feel nausea, and surround myself with people who make me feel healthy and whole.

Moving on Saturday

I'm moving to the new house on Saturday afternoon. Last night I got in late and just headed over there. It was so quiet and peaceful. I ended up sleeping on the floor, but I slept like I hadn't slept in years. I think on Saturday I'm just going to place the boxes off to one side, make the bed and then sleep, sleep, sleep all weekend. No phones, no nothing, just peace, quiet and resting. I'm so tired now, but I just can't rest. I've started studying meditation to help me through this difficult time. I was reunited with some old Soka Gakkai friends here in Austin. My qi is depleted, I must do everything I can to replenish my qi. I did not realize just unhealthy all this had become until I spent on night away from the chaos and the pain. It is going to take some time to recover from the hurt and neglect. I feel certain that a healthy life awaits. I cannot wait to ride my bike along Town Lake, or take the dogs for a walk on Shoal Creek, or go play the piano at the Union with LeLe. We just need to be with our family and our friends period. No turning back, just forge on to what lies ahead.

So Furious I could just scream

Oh man! I don't think there are words to describe how I feel at this moment. It is a wonder that I can even sit here and type. What a waste. I tried and nothing I do changes it, and it is just such a waste. All your dreams just thrown away, like they did not matter. Maybe it is a nightmare now instead of a dream. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and smell the coffee.