Still Here

Well I'm still here. It was really hard last week. We are going to try to work through this difficult situation. I had trouble enjoying even the most beautiful, sunny day, even though I could see the gentle wind blowing, the gleam of warm sunshine, and grass bending gently in the breeze. An empty heart, thoughts weighing on my mind, and feeling like I could sleep for days. I just pray to make it through this, knowing that the blessing in the trial that passed may not be apparent to me at the moment...I can still hope. Let go and let God, my best friend always says. I know that she is right. Joy, peace and serenity are what I seek. I can't wait until I have one of those moments, a placid, serene, moment where I completely clear my mind as my eyes focus on something beautiful in nature. Staring out into the wind blowing through the trees, or finding myself watching cloud formations blow across the sky as I lay in the grass, it is the silence of total concentration with the absence of conscious thought. I want to drive out to the country and sit on top of the highest hill and just watch the day go by. I need to be far, far away from the hectic pace of the city. I long for the coolness of autumn evenings to take the sting of summer away from my heart. I can forgive, but will I forget I ask myself. It would be so nice just to wipe the slate clean and start all over again. I miss my precious girl. I look forward to seeing her again. She is my heart and soul, wherever she is that is where my heart wants to be. There is no one on Earth who understands me as she does, I love her so very much.